Though This Be Madness
by EmmieElliott
Summary: A little dark way to change the end of Season 4. Felt this followed the Hamlet story line a little bit better. I hope you enjoy. It is the only a one shot. Just a thought that came to me a few nights ago and couldn't get out of my head. Enjoy!


**Since there is a bit of a Hamlet plot in the storyline I wanted to try and change Tara who is suppose to be Ophelia (who is Hamlet's lover in the play) for those who don't know the story and make it more similar to that plot line. I hope you enjoy. I wrote this to be right after Jax doesn't kill Clay. She knew inside her heart that he wouldn't do it. His allegiance was for the club. Tara didn't talk with Piney about John so he isn't dead. Opie doesn't go after Clay and Gemma doesn't have the letters yet.**

I never thought I would be that woman. A person in so deep that instead of facing her fears and challenges she would take her own life. I didn't want this life for my children but fate had insured that I would never leave this town. Gemma would sink her hands into her children while she was left unable to leave. Her hand was smashed. Her husband would go away for RICO. There was nothing she could do. Not even the weed helped her mind. She was left with nothing while Gemma had everything. She had seen how sucked in Jax was to the club. There was no hope for them. He would keep falling until the club took his life too. And Tara could never leave. She tried it once and couldn't stay away.

Thomas and Abel were being watched by Elyda at her house because Tara didn't need Gemma running in and trying to insert herself into her children's life. She could only hope that Gemma would meet her fate. Karma would stop her from destroying the lives of her children. Jax was still gone Her heart broke as she listened to the silence of the house but continued on her normal routine. She pumped the last of the milk available before sitting down and looking at the two pictures in front of her. Abel from the night they got Tara back from Salazar and Thomas when he was still a young newborn. Her babies were innocences in this life. They didn't deserve this life. Tara could only pray that somehow they would escape it. Something would change.

Her hand scribbled the words across the page as she admitted the full truth to Jax. Everything that he needed to know about Gemma and her past. She gave up all the information that Clay tried to kill her for. Nothing would be left unsaid.

Then she moved into the garage where his truck sat. Turning the key she shut every window and sat in the drivers seat with the windows rolled down. She knew this was the easiest death a person could ask for. It was simple and painless. All she would do was drift off into a sleep. Her thoughts ran as she sat there reliving every mistake she made. In a horrible thought, she guess what would have happened if Kohn had succeeded in killing her. Abel may not have made it through his surgery. Thomas would have never been born. What would have changed if her life had been taken earlier. It was morbid but undeniable to think that if she never returned then SAMCRO may never have gone through what they did.

Her eyes became heavy after a while. She was feeling the painkillers she took earlier relaxing every muscle in her body. It was her plan to take enough to sedate her own self to make sure that she didn't change her mind. Tara knew her death was something that had to catapult Jax into changing his own fate.

Just as her eyelids fell she felt her mind start to go blank. Sleep was overtaking her and she knew that in that moment she would be okay. Death was no longer scary for her. This was the only choice she had left so she took it.

JAX's POV

Coming to the house, he thought that Tara would be asleep on the couch but he didn't find her anywhere. Her car was out front so that told him that she was home. Just as he walked into the kitchen there was a piece of paper left out on the table. He grabbed the letter and looked at it.

Dear Jax,

I know you will never forgive me for this but I need you to understand that this was my only option. Once you know this information then you will never be able to leave the club. You make these promises that I know you want to keep but in the end my heart will only be left broken. There is something inside of you that will always choose the club over me. It's just the truth.

Our boys deserve betters lives than the ones that Gemma has set out for them. I can never leave you and still be alive. It's not possible. You and I both know that we need each other. I will always love you but there is something that you need to know. In the storage unit, there is a package full of letters that Maureen Ashby sent home with you. I read them and have been waiting to find the perfect time to give them to you. Your father feared for his life. He had been trying to get the Sons out of the gun running. He even planned a meeting with the IRA but couldn't because he was killed. Lowell Senior was involved in it also. It's why he was killed. Clay and Gemma had worked together to kill him and in the end your mother was the one to end your father's life. I am sorry I am just telling you this now but I couldn't ruin what we had going. He tried to kill me because Clay and Gemma found out. They found out everything. I will always love you and I hope that you understand my decision.

Love,

Tara

Immediately he ran through the house once more looking for her. The last place he looked was the garage. He could see her passed out in the driver seat while the car was running. He didn't know how long he stood there but he knew that he had to work fast. As one hand dialed 911 the other was opening the door and pulling her out of the seat. Jax shouted at the dispatcher all of the information needed before he brought her out into fresh air as he tried to get oxygen into her lungs.

Hours upon hours passed as he sat alone in the waiting room. Elyda still had the boys but he hadn't called anyone else from the club. In that moment he realized that he had to let it go. He needed to get his family out. This club killed his father but he would not let it take his kids.

"Mr. Teller?" A doctor asked as he stood immediately.

"Yes how is she?"

"Better now. She is asleep but there doesn't seem to be any significant damage. I can take you back there right now if you want." Jax agreed and followed the doctor as he lead them through the halls and into her room. She looked peaceful as she laid there in her bed. Even the cast on her hand seemed to become beautiful as he realized that it would fix her broken hand.

"I promise we are done." It was a determined announcement as he grabbed her limp hand and brushed his lips against the cold skin. Those words were the only promise he needed to give because this time he would follow through. Gemma was dead to him. Clay was dead to him also. He had done his job and gotten them connected to the Irish. All that was left for him to pack up whatever he could when Tara was released and leave with his family to safety.


End file.
